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Track List
01) Preface
02) Acknowledgements
03) Introduction
04) God Writes his Memoirs
05) And so, It Begins…
06) Mr Play-Doh and His Amazing Talking Rib
07) Much Ado about Apples!
08) Dude, Where's Your Brother?
09) The Adam's Family
10) Freaky Angel Sex
11) Build Yourself an Arky Arky
12) Après Nous, le Déluge
13) What a Day for a Picnic
14) The Drying after the Dying
15) God Invents the Rainbow
16) Noah's Drunken Shenanigans
17) Table of Nicknames
18) The Tower of Babbling
19) The Semites
20) Abram Leaves Home Twice
21) Sarai's Too Sexy for the Egyptians
22) Family Feud
23) Abram Joins the Rebel Alliance
24) The Covenant of Concussion
25) How to Rape Your Slave
26) A Snip Too Far
27) Abraham Haggles with God
28) Sodomy and Gomorrah
29) Eww!
30) Abimelech's Rude Awakening
31) Twang!
32) How the Fuck Do You Steal a Well?
33) Child Sacrifice: It's Okay When God Tells Yo
34) How to Bury Your Wife (legally)
35) Buying a Bride with Relative Ease
36) Abraham the Stiff
37) The Birds and the Bees
38) All's Well That Ends Well
39) The Foul Stench of Betrayal
40) Keeping It in the Family
41) Wow, What a Weird Dream
42) Seven Years for One Cousin
43) Jacob is One Randy Bastard
44) Sheep Breeding for Dummies
45) What a Pile of Stones!
46) God is Kinda Rapey
47) An Esau for Sore Eyes
48) The Defiling of Dinah
49) Better the Bethel You Know
50) Whatever Became of Esau?
51) Joseph and His Technicolour Screw Over
52) Judah and Tamar: or Two Deaths and a Prostit
53) Joseph and the Sex Pest
54) Joseph: Prison Dream-Diviner!
55) Joseph Gives Pharaoh a Reading
56) Live and Not Die
57) Reunited, and It Feels So… Weird
58) Joseph Makes Mugs of His Brothers
59) The Enter-dus
60) Live and Not Die 2: Not Die Harder
61) A Backward Blessing
62) Jacob's Libellous Poem
63) He Dies at the End
64) And Now for Something Completely Twitter…
01) Preface
02) Acknowledgements
03) Introduction
04) God Writes his Memoirs
05) And so, It Begins…
06) Mr Play-Doh and His Amazing Talking Rib
07) Much Ado about Apples!
08) Dude, Where's Your Brother?
09) The Adam's Family
10) Freaky Angel Sex
11) Build Yourself an Arky Arky
12) Après Nous, le Déluge
13) What a Day for a Picnic
14) The Drying after the Dying
15) God Invents the Rainbow
16) Noah's Drunken Shenanigans
17) Table of Nicknames
18) The Tower of Babbling
19) The Semites
20) Abram Leaves Home Twice
21) Sarai's Too Sexy for the Egyptians
22) Family Feud
23) Abram Joins the Rebel Alliance
24) The Covenant of Concussion
25) How to Rape Your Slave
26) A Snip Too Far
27) Abraham Haggles with God
28) Sodomy and Gomorrah
29) Eww!
30) Abimelech's Rude Awakening
31) Twang!
32) How the Fuck Do You Steal a Well?
33) Child Sacrifice: It's Okay When God Tells Yo
34) How to Bury Your Wife (legally)
35) Buying a Bride with Relative Ease
36) Abraham the Stiff
37) The Birds and the Bees
38) All's Well That Ends Well
39) The Foul Stench of Betrayal
40) Keeping It in the Family
41) Wow, What a Weird Dream
42) Seven Years for One Cousin
43) Jacob is One Randy Bastard
44) Sheep Breeding for Dummies
45) What a Pile of Stones!
46) God is Kinda Rapey
47) An Esau for Sore Eyes
48) The Defiling of Dinah
49) Better the Bethel You Know
50) Whatever Became of Esau?
51) Joseph and His Technicolour Screw Over
52) Judah and Tamar: or Two Deaths and a Prostit
53) Joseph and the Sex Pest
54) Joseph: Prison Dream-Diviner!
55) Joseph Gives Pharaoh a Reading
56) Live and Not Die
57) Reunited, and It Feels So… Weird
58) Joseph Makes Mugs of His Brothers
59) The Enter-dus
60) Live and Not Die 2: Not Die Harder
61) A Backward Blessing
62) Jacob's Libellous Poem
63) He Dies at the End
64) And Now for Something Completely Twitter…
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Back Cover
CD Art
3D Case
3D Thumb
3D Flat
3D Face
3D Spine
First Released
2019
Comedy
Fun
Spoken
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Medium
AudioBook
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0 copies
Album Description
Available in:
A collection of twisted Bible tales from the warped mind of J. R. Eldridge. Drawing from his fascination with religion and mythology, Eldridge takes the reader on a journey from the creation of the universe to the arrival of the Israelites in Egypt in this blasphemously funny retelling of the Book of Genesis.
A lonely deity creates the universe in his mother’s basement and makes a little clay man who falls in love with his own rib. After the humans engage in some freaky angel sex, God decides to flood the entire world, saving only a drunkard called Noah and his family.
Once the humans have repopulated the Earth, God chooses one man called Abram, drags him from his home in the middle of the night, changes his name, and then tells him to kill his son, forming an everlasting covenant with him and his descendants.
Later, Jacob steals his brother’s birthmark, boinks his cousins, and comes up with an innovative way to breed sheep. He fathers a dozen kids including Joseph, whose brothers get tired of his dreams of grandeur and sell him to some shapeshifting Ishmaelites who take him to Egypt.
The author invites readers to look up the original verses to see how much of the absurdity comes from his warped imagination, and how much comes from the original stories.
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Available in:
A collection of twisted Bible tales from the warped mind of J. R. Eldridge. Drawing from his fascination with religion and mythology, Eldridge takes the reader on a journey from the creation of the universe to the arrival of the Israelites in Egypt in this blasphemously funny retelling of the Book of Genesis.
A lonely deity creates the universe in his mother’s basement and makes a little clay man who falls in love with his own rib. After the humans engage in some freaky angel sex, God decides to flood the entire world, saving only a drunkard called Noah and his family.
Once the humans have repopulated the Earth, God chooses one man called Abram, drags him from his home in the middle of the night, changes his name, and then tells him to kill his son, forming an everlasting covenant with him and his descendants.
Later, Jacob steals his brother’s birthmark, boinks his cousins, and comes up with an innovative way to breed sheep. He fathers a dozen kids including Joseph, whose brothers get tired of his dreams of grandeur and sell him to some shapeshifting Ishmaelites who take him to Egypt.
The author invites readers to look up the original verses to see how much of the absurdity comes from his warped imagination, and how much comes from the original stories.
User Album Review
None...
External Album Reviews
None...
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